Recently, my daughter has been triggered by very random things and when we get to the bottom of it she says it’s because of Miss., the woman who hit her at daycare.
But it wasn’t adding up.
So I kept asking questions.
What was really happening was that something that made her feel afraid, then made her think of Miss., and the trauma, which is what then triggered her. She was associating fear itself, in any manner, with her trauma.
So now we are working on safety messaging around normal fears and the separation of feelings of fear and what happened to her at daycare.
Despite how many times I’ve done this ‘deep dive’ to understand the true root of the tirgger, I was actually quite surprised with this association and a little shocked I figured it out so quickly.
It’s SO important to keep asking the questions when something just isn’t lining up or feeling right. Trust and follow your gut. It would have been really easy to say, “the crackling fire has nothing to do with Miss. why is that bothering you? You’re okay!”
But that wouldn’t have got to the real issue, it would invalidate her fear, she would lose her confidence that I am here and understand her. Because I continued to try and solve this ‘weird’ trigger I have been able to help her externalize what is happening and separate general fear from fear, from her abuse at daycare.
Sometimes we take so many steps forward in this journey that it’s hard to then take one step back. But healing from trauma is not linear..and it can come to rear its ugly face at any point. The most important underlying message I always have to hold close is, “Behavior is communication.” In the words of Ross Green, “Kids do well when they can.”
Sending strength.
Here if you need me, please reach out.
❤ Mary
parentingPTSD 